


Minty at the Dentist

by ellenfleming



Category: The Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flamel - Michael Scott
Genre: Gen, Humour, Parody, hi yes hello I'm back from oblivion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:01:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26292298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellenfleming/pseuds/ellenfleming
Summary: Nicholas Flamel is facing his biggest enemy: No, not a creature from doom, not a certain English magician but a rather ordinary dentist.
Relationships: Nicholas Flamel/Perenelle Flamel (Nicholas Flamel)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	Minty at the Dentist

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warnings: If you feel uncomfortable with blood, bone, teeth or dentists in general, maybe this story isn't for you. But please remember to go to your regular check-ups, kids.

Nicholas Flamel had encountered countless nightmarish creatures in his century-long life. He had fought monsters, beasts, demons and all kinds of foul beings. He had battled Dark elders, narrowly escaped his enemies and used his talents as the most powerful Alchemyst in the history of humankind to protect the Codex.   
But his archenemy remained: The dentist. Although the teeth problems that usually developed during the lunar cycle would be fixed by the time he drank the next immortality potion, he was now facing a problem he couldn’t overcome: Perenelle and her desire to seem as normal as possible. One of their usual costumers in the Bookshop was a dentist in his sixties, with a love for conversations and a passion for reading. He was a hobby historian and an avid collector of books, so he’d often come in and spend a lot of time talking to Nicholas about their favourite books, cultural events in the city and some of his more exotic patients. They had even gone over to the Coffee Cup together to go grab lunch a few times. So when Nicholas had bitten off a large piece of a crunchy caramel brownie and let out a painful yelp, Dave had been worried.   
“Hey mate, everything alright?” “Oh yesh. Perfectly alright.”, Nicholas said, while trying to stop the blood flow from his mouth. “Well it surely doesn’t look like it… Are you certain?” Nicholas smiled, wiped the blood from his mouth and spit out a tooth. “Amazing. Never felt better.” “Ok that’s enough. Open your mouth for me please.” “Oh no, it’s nothing-“ Dave had fished out the tooth out of the chocolate sauce and held up the tooth for Nicholas to see. “This isn’t nothing, this is your upper left second molar”. Nicholas contemplated for a second if murdering the man and getting rid of all evidence would make sure he’d never have to have a conversation about his teeth or possibly doing anything to them ever again. Just when he came to the conclusion that setting Dave’s office on fire should be enough, his wife entered the Coffee Cup. Keys in hand, she smiled at Dave and then turned to her husband. “Pardon, I’m so sorry to interrupt your lunch, I was just wondering if you had changed the settings in the inventory system since-“ Nicholas was pressing his lips together and hoping that he’d be able to get rid of her without having to talk. “Are you guys busy this afternoon?”, Dave interrupted Perenelle innocently. Confused, she furrowed her brows. “No, we thought about going to dinner tonight but-“ She was still puzzled as to why he was talking about Nicholas getting treatment from him. “Awesome. Will you drop him off at 5 at my office? I’ll squeeze you in. I have a feeling he’s one of the harder patients. When was the last time you went to the dentist?” Dave turned to Nicholas. “In his mid-30s” Perenelle answered truthfully after her husband had stayed silent. That had been in the 14th century, but hey, technically she wasn’t lying. “My lunch is nearly over”, Dave said after having a look at his watch, “but we’ll see each other later, eh. See ya!” With that, Dave went out the door and hurried down the street.   
Perenelle sighed and took the seat next to Nicholas that Dave had occupied before. “So. Did that damn tooth finally fall out.” Nicholas was concentrating on his brownie and studying the texture more intently than would’ve been necessary but the fact that his tooth was lying on Dave’s plate might have been a giveaway. “Do you think we could murder him without getting caught?”, Nicholas asked, while actually contemplating it. “Wow. Dee really rubbed off on you huh.” Perenelle sighed. “If you tell him you won’t go he’ll become suspicious. If you have your tooth fixed in two weeks he’ll be very offended that you ignored his offer and will wonder how you got it fixed so perfectly.” Nicholas sighed, took her hand and nodded. Perenelle continued: “Also, I’ll eat the rest of the brownie. You can keep the tooth though.”

The second the typical smell of the dentist entered Nicholas’ nose, his fight or flight mode was activated and he managed to hide his flared up aura only by quickly hiding his hands in his pockets. Mint smell filled the air. One of the dentists passed them: “Who the hell spilled toothpaste again?” Perry pushed Nick towards the reception desk. Twenty minutes and three attempted escapes later Nick sat on the dentist’s chair. Dave cheerfully entered the room. He sat down, put on a surgical mask and tested out one of the instruments. Water instantly shot out of the handle and the puddle underneath his feet grew some more.  
“Oh, so they haven’t fixed it yet. Did you talk to the technician today?” The assistant that had just entered the room nodded. “Well, nothing we can do about it now, eh?” After refusing to open his mouth after being asked three times, Perenelle leaned forward, pinched his shin and the dentist managed to force two metal scraping tools into his patient’s mouth after Nicholas let out a scream. Dave set to work. The water was slowly soaking Nick’s shirt while Perenelle was sitting at the end of the room and flipping through a magazine while her husband was whimpering quietly.   
After drilling for a while, which at least drowned out the sound of Nicholas’s screams, Dave was satisfied. “Alright, now we’ll measure the root canals!” The dentist took out an instrument which looked like something Nick vaguely remembered from torture chambers in the late 1480s and started inserting it into Nick’s tooth. “Now, this won’t hurt since the nerves are-“ The Alchemyst screamed loudly, bit down on Dave’s hand and started screaming through the blood that was coming out of his mouth. “Hey! I think there MIGHT be some pain sensation there! Awesome!” Dave sounded genuinely excited and pulled his hands out of Nicholas’ mouth. He clapped his gloved hands together, making the blood splash. Nicholas was again contemplating if he should just bite the bullet and murder the entire staff of the office but was unable to finish his train of thought since Dave had already inserted the torture device into the other root canal. At this point, Nick was screaming, the blood from his mouth was pouring down and creating some lovely pink spirals on his clothes, combined with the water that was now running down and forming a pool underneath his body. “Yeah mate, I’m sorry but there are some narrow root canals. Nearly done though, you’re so brave!” The Alchemyst rolled into a fetal position as best he could while still keeping his mouth open.  
“Now we will insert the little bolts that will support the roots from within.” “Are you telling me you’re still not finished?”, Nick managed to get out before Dave inserted his instruments again. “Darling, I think you should speak a bit more clearly. It’s hard to hear when there’s still blood coming out of your mouth.” Perenelle was smiling and having the time of her life. Nicholas spit out some blood into the ridiculously small sink at his left side. Dave was already back on track. “Now. These will have to go inside the bone, which might be painful but I could try some anesthaetic-“ He tried to numb the gums by inserting a very large, sharp needle into the gap between the bone and gums but after the 11th attempt Perenelle drew his attention to the fact that her husband had already passed out.  
When Nick woke up again, most of the blood was gone, his shirt had dried a bit and the pain in his teeth was bearable. “Alright, I was just finishing your paperwork! Wasn’t that bad, eh?” Dave spun around on his desk chair enthusiastically and held up a small object. “Here, normally we don’t give it to adults but you really deserve it.” It was a small yellow badge that said ‘Medallion for courage and bravery at the dentist’. Nicholas sniffled a bit, spit out the rest of the blood and thanked his friend. Perenelle smiled at him and took his hand while they walked out the building. They ignored the panicked screams of several small children that had to watch a blood soaked man leave the treatment room and a dentist with an even bloodier surgical mask shouting: “Now WHO’S NEXT?!”. Stepping onto the sunny sidewalk, Perenelle turned to her husband. “I’m so proud of you darling. And guess what?”, she held up a small piece of paper. “Your next appointment is already tomorrow!”   
The Alchemyst passed out, again.

**Author's Note:**

> This is dedicated to all the lovely people from the sinf discord server, among those my lovely fellow #germansquad members Jusp and Angi. If you liked this and want me to write more, feel free to comment or DM me.  
> A few further notes:   
> 1\. I know it's not accurate that a tooth would fall out and then get a root canal treatment and it's also unrealistic that all of those steps would be done in one appointment. I'd know because I got the exact same procedure done. But let's be honest, it's more fun this way.  
> 2\. The name "Minty" of course refers to Nicholas' aura smell, it's a nickname he got from some German fans years ago. It stuck and I thougt it would make for a fitting title.


End file.
